Finally we met. I think 'Ain and I sort of shouted the 'I don't wanna be lonely no more' part louder than what's considered appropriate. Two single girls singing Lonely No More. Miserable. And after that we tried on these fancy expensive dresses just for kicks. I broke the strap inside just for kicks too. Fine, it was accidental.
The break is ending.
Being called bitter just adds the bitterness. Don't, however, feel bad. 'My past don't dictate who I am. I choose!' Hahaha.
I don't like fireworks. But sparklers will never go out of style. At least for me.
I shall never call anyone my best friend again. Best is defined as 'of most excellent or desirable kind'. So since I have never seen anyone with the best clothes or the best teeth or the best anything, why should I call anyone my best friend? Best friends are somewhat overrated. I don't want to explain. Explaining tires me. I'm better off calling someone a close friend. See? I'm just being rational. And maybe a tad optimistic, in a sense.
4 Alfa. I'll be sitting alone for the rest of the year. And the name is not even cool. It's like alfalfa. Or alga. Now I wanna sleep.
Even dinner at KFC is awkward now. The brats with their toys. You can't change the toy! Argh.
Anyway, they made me file another application. So I'm getting my books later than I expected. The system is corrupted, I'm telling you. They have a student counter but there's nobody to entertain you. And they have the cheek to reprimand you for entering the office. And 56 kids in a class is ridiculous. Are you kidding me? I had to look for my desk in the OTHER building. The whole 'pas keluar' thing is no less sillier. When you have to go, you have to go, man. But everyone knows I don't ever wait for my pass. Hehehe. Still, they're evil.
School wasn't so bad today. Watching people beg for mercy is fun. But we're going to have to run next week.
OK. So I was feeling left out and they were staring at me. I did the dishes and suddenly I'm this woman's 'calon menantu'. Butter them up, Marlene. You know you can!
That bus ride was the coldest ride ever. Insane.
I need to read some short story for school. Everything is so boring nowadays. Even french fries. Heh.
Had a minor 'touching' incident just now. And he was not even good-looking. Hahaha.
I know I haven't been optimistic about school. It shows on my attitude in class. I become somewhat temperamental. Yes, I tend to be moody a lot, about certain things, that's true. And normally I know how to get up and be positive about something, even if I don't show it.
But.....never mind. 
Physics was fun today. I hear so many people going around telling juniors about how hard it is. I suppose it is going to be hard, when you actually know what you're doing. Heh.
That extra long siesta was good.
I need some invisibility dust. I want to be invisible.
Don't comment lah.
Welcome to SMK Hillcrest, where girls like to sit 0 inches from each other during assemblies. The boys like it just as much too. SMK Hillcrest is a place where you cannot sit alone during recess without being called sad or pathetic. Come visit us today!
My current English teacher reminds me of Cik Fauziah, a substitute maths teacher when I was in Form 2. Cik Fauziah would ask me questions just because she likes my name. But my English teacher, she's obsessed with names and their meanings. They're special, she says. Well, OKAY. We get your point. No need to call my name over and over again. But she's alright. I just have nothing to blog about. And you know what, I made a stupid grammatical mistake just now and I didn't correct it. Just yesterday she was saying something like this, "So you're Eurasian? No wonder your English is good." Ok teacher, but I hope your eyesight isn't as good.
I have a problem standing up when the teacher asks a question. Omg, I'm a rebel. Heh.
It's only Chapter 1 and I'm confused already. May the force be with me.
I'm not your friend. Don't try be be mine.
I splashed coconut water all over myself. I need to bathe, but I'm just testing the ants theory.
Today I almost lost my temper. But I cursed. Bad bad girl.
So Marlene, what did you spill today?
Oh nothing, thank you.
Good girl.
I'll be going to school with new clothes, new shoes and new socks. It's so exciting. Haha. I have homework and research to do...tomorrow. Wahaha. The Goddess of Procrastination. Apart from being moody and irritable, I also shine under pressure! Not really. Just trying to make myself feel better.
Anyway, I TRIED to get some McDonald's delivery service but they're assholes. So now I'm all alone and waiting for my pizza. Daddy went to see the game. *big smile*
I fell on my back just now, and I feel okay. I'm superwoman! Don't say anything.
I say nothing and I mean nothing. I say I don't know, and I mean, ask me again. I say I'm fine, and I mean, I don't want to tell you. I say go away but I mean, please stay. (that depends, actually) I say goodbye but really, don't go.
What is up with my entry today? It's filled with nothings. I'm bloody hungry by the way.
Oh my god, the pizza's huge! Spaghetti! Heaven! But 20 bucks!
You know, rewriting notes doesn't mean we're going to read it again after that. And passing them up is nonsense too. Why don't you just check our heads? That way, you'll make sure we've got it all inside. I never thought I'd say this, but school sucks. It gets worse when you get older because you have more to argue about. I'm trying to get a very important point across. I don't like school anymore. At least not right now. "Rerelialize eh god?"
I'm doing my homework. I finally got the formula right. But Goddess of Procrastination is not doing so well. Pfft.
A friend once said that he who writes with a pencil is unsure of himself. Screw you.
Physics is not fun anymore. Thank you for the warning, James.
I could live with AddMaths for the rest of my life if I didn't have all these other subjects poking their noses into my business. Heh.
And my class is very, very noisy.
Guy: Sorry ah, ni meja kitorang.
Me: Apsal pulak?
Guy: Ni meja kitorang biasa duduk..
Me: Meja tu pun kitorang biasa duduk, tapi ada org lain duduk, tak kecoh pun..?
--He sits down!
Me: Nak share, share la, makan je. Tak kisah pun. But I don't see your name anywhere. You guys are Form 5 already la. Next year you won't be here. Pasal meja pun nak carik pasal ke..
--He 'chows'. I do my victory dance in my head.
Old habits die hard.
I'm alone. *BIG smile again*
Misinterpretation happens all the time. I have judged and I have been judged. And when it's baseless, I have a problem. I do have something against you. I have our past against you. Don't deny the obvious. Maybe you can't see the obvious. After all, you let someone else point it out for me. That sucked big time and it still does. Whatever you were trying to hide, I had to know it from somebody else. I know it's no use trying to blame you for what happened because you don't have a clue. You think it's just because of time. I'm not hurt anymore but I just want you to know that I just really don't like you.
You think I cannot read? Everything is so clear to me, although it might not be the truth. I said I was sorry, sincerely. But right now I'm not sure anymore. In a way, I wish things were different. Because you don't look the same. I don't need to be on top of everybody else. I don't need to be on top of you. You didn't feel like you could trust me. But guess what? It's not so much of a secret anymore. I waited but you still refused. You pushed yourself away. Losing you didn't feel so bad. But it's fucked up that you lost yourself.
Anyway, don't trouble yourself with another 'contemplative post'. Right, Bryan?
Being content with what you have is not the same as loving it. Loving what you have is not the same as wanting it. Wanting to love what you have is being content with it.
But did anybody listen? No.
I don't understand how some people just love to touch my stuff. Is it really necessary? I don't meddle with yours, so quit it.
Big sister, I listen to your cassettes when you're not at home sometimes. But the thread thing, it was an emergency. Haha. I'll put it back. And it's NOT you.
"Ada orang call, cakap, Marlene dah anti-social."
Gee, I don't know what to say.
To admit my mistake is to acknowledge that you're right. So no thanks. Hahaha.
I lost my appetite. 
My problem is that I notice but I don't say anything. It backfires. It's not so normal when you feel like everything is invisible but yourself. Weakened.
And then they think everything just passes right through you.
So far, the day has been lousy. It seemed like everybody wanted to pick a fight with me in school today. I speak in English because I can. It's not about being mat saleh or not, you idiots. And who invented the word 'sengal' anyway? It's just ridiculous, to the power of 5. Hillcrest people are really adamant when it comes to tables! And Biology sucked so bad because I was so sleepy to pay any attention although it was the first time I ever heard the teacher say anything!
"Sometimes when you're in a relationship, it doesn't mean you love the other person."
I shudder at the thought.
My appetite has gone for a holiday in Zimbabwe. No contact details.
Despite my numerous attempts of trying to create a decent looking scrapbook, each effort is not even worth being considered one. Everything looks so sloppy. And the thought of having to do it for every chapter makes you feel so, what's the word, frustrated? Annoyed? DEPRESSED? Take your pick. So I told myself, 'Marlene, you just need a time-out.' HEHEHE.
Listening to music but I still don't feel very good. Positive thinking works but being positive is not easy right now, especially when you have this glitter stuff all over your hands and I bet they're on my face too. I'll go check afterwards and let you know.
I still HAVEN'T fixed my phone. It doesn't really bother me anymore. I got used to the squinting a long time ago. Daddy left for Shah Alam about 30 minutes ago but somehow I don't really feel like celebrating. I'm not even excited about ordering. And you know what, we've got school tomorrow. Yes, life is very very....blah.
I don't think I'm suffering from OCD, but my hands feel sticky even after washing. So I wash them again.
Is there a pre-life crisis? GET IT?? PRE-LIFE?? Fine, lame.
This is definitely not my day.
Anti-social. No harmful side effects, at least for the first 5 months. Thinking positive now.
"adakah anda di luar sana peka, bahawa salah satu iklan yg rasa2 lucu kat dlm TV skarang (org pakai sut kuning mcm bodoh) menggunakan lagu GEREJA dalam iklan tersebut... Iklan tersebut telah mempengaruhi masyarakat kita dengan menyanyikan lagu tersebut secara tidak sedar kerana cuba mengikut rentak lagu GEREJA tersebut... dipetik " KU KAN MENGIKUT MU, KEMANA SAJA KAU PERGI" or dlm bahasa INGGERIS "I'm gonna follow him" "HIM" merujuk kepada ISA @ JESUS... Hal ini sedikit sebanyak telah memesongkan akidah umat ISlam secara halus melalui pengaruh Iklan dan lagu tersebut.. Ramai yang tidak sedar akan hal ini dan mengatakan iklan tersebut best atau pun lucu... tapi sebenarnya itulah stategi org kafir utk mhancurkan agama ISLAM... semoga kita sedar "
This is one of those stupid messages you get on Yahoo! Messenger. Need I say more?
But I'm not defending the advertisement. I don't think the notion of big yellow people following behind you everywhere is very pleasant. Scary, dude.
Big sister is asking my to dry my clothes. BORING stuff, ya know?
Patience is a very very tiring virtue. In some cases, it might lead to severe malnourishment. And also bad language.
Well, severe malnourishment is a slightly exaggerated term. I don't look forward to eating anymore. But hunger, is no fun.
I know what I'm doing. But keep an eye on me, just in case.
Tomorrow's a school day.
I burnt a finger during Chemistry. Such things excite me. The pain too. Haha. But other than that, everything went fine.
I have a problem. I want to comb the teacher's hair. Haih.
I slept from 6pm to 9.30pm. I'm having my dinner now and this menstrual cramp is not very helpful. Blergh. Too much sleep is almost the same as too little sleep. The former makes you feel all groggy. The latter leaves you irritable for the rest of the afternoon, if you're lucky. In both cases, you never want to know the time because you're either late or it's still so damn early.
Seeing Syafeeq cry was actually quite touching. What he said touched me too. Haih. I wanted to cry but I knew I wouldn't be able to stop so I didn't. The farewell party wasn't executed well. But at least we had the time to say goodbye, properly. I wish him all the best.
Well everyone's leaving.
And we've got 2 days off. It's about bloody time.
So to remain completely friendless is impossible. But I'm setting limits.
Maybe I should go to the mountains. In two years, people will forget and disappear.
"Kau dah tak garang eh Marlene."
Hahaha. Well a year is an awfully long period. Shouldn't you be thankful for that, Zul?
Yesterday, I came to know about what was said about me behind my back last year. No doubt it astonished me, but it didn't anger me as it would have if I was a year younger. But I'd like to clarify things.
First of all, I think it's unreasonable that you felt like you had to speak for him. What I wrote was strictly my side of the story. I didn't wish to offend anybody, but unfortunately, somehow, I offended you. What I wrote was meant to answer the questions.
Secondly, did you really understand what I was talking about? Because from what I heard, you said something about how I ''bahan couple'' or something to that effect.
I also heard you are quite the person almost everyone has had a problem with.
Should you ever read this(I'd recommend getting a pocket Oxford dictionary beforehand), I just hope you've learnt your lesson.
You're lucky I didn't flip.
