ejaculate, and disperse

I left the books open on the floor just in case I felt studious.

Sigh.

Sigh.
SIGH.

It's such a disheartening affair. I know but I still don't understand. I try but I fail miserably before giving up momentarily.
Disheartening affairs, really.

Was relatively better than expected. Bread and milk like never before.

Woozy.

Always a first.  

You have me. Indefinitely.

I'm not a commodity of the community. That community.

I wish, that there was nothing to like. Life would be so much easier. People would die faster. Evolution after evolution. And then they will study the descendants of descendants.

Me and my big feet.

It's tough having to cut a conversation short because of certain things you cannot say. Maybe it's everything?

Dirty, dirty jokes.

Don't waste your time thinking about what you want to think.

My first coffee in 2 months, I think. So foreign.

Restlessness is getting to me and I think I'm about to start all over again.
I'm deluded. I'm delirious. I don't mind the silence. It agitates me sometimes but I'm growing to make use of it.I'm starting to nibble, and it agitates me too. I won't talk boldly about not nibbling anymore. I keep telling myself that all I need is some distraction when I am actually distracted. I'm probably distracted from the distraction but there I go again. I refuse to talk about it because talking about it would mean divulging what I feel about this and what I think about that. So I only do it with myself, in my head. I don't wish to be in another situation but I do. But I don't. Indecisiveness and I go way back. It's latent but needed. It's fabricated although unwanted. And superficial.

What is the point in being optimistic about things around you? I'm not patronizing. It's a question I've never thought about until now. I've seen beautiful things. I've felt them. I was smiling when people weren't. It doesn't mean shit now, does it. I'm not a pessimist. At least I tell myself that. Does it really matter anyway. Somethings just don't appeal to me. And beauty, has lost its touch on me. I am no expert on feelings. I don't know how to talk about mine. But of course I do. I just don't do it like you do. I hate that I'm making myself sound special. But of course I am. Now I'm laughing at myself.

If I write any more, it'll be about cows and why I don't like stories about them. I'm off.

Incompetence defines me. I'm being nonchalant about it, really.

These dents fill the holes. Such irony. There are things I'm supposed to do. Supposedly I'll be better if I do them. Being better is a luxury I can't afford.

I'll always be behind. I won't ever know.
Sometimes the clock in my head gets tired.
I don't know how to work headbands.

I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. I even counted the marks I'm going to lose. But it's no use, really. I blinked so much trying not to cry. Blergh.

You'll know if you've done enough when you know the results. Yeah well I don't think I want to know if I fucked it enough or just barely.

All the excitement over gas pressures and specific heat capacities and graphs and dead physicists' principles.

No unsolicited advice, please. If I'm handling it, I'm handling it.
That was very close to ruining my day.

Festivities aren't festive at all. What's so good about headaches.

What are you doing?
I'm a little confused. That's not the appropriate term. But it'll do for now. 

Contrary to popular belief, there are times when I'm not hostile and resentful and demeaning and condescending.

Fine. Contrary to my belief.  

 
K I lied.

Wasn't so bad now, was it?

But now I feel like shit. I'm an asshole. A total jackass.

An irrevocable damage, is after all, irrevocable.
The longing for what's beyond reach when what's beyond reach yearns to be longed.

Simply a character. Created.

Some of the things I forget reminds me that they should not be forgotten. Again and again. Clarity isn't an option at this point.

I was walking a child I knew so well. But perhaps that's just me thinking positive. Either way, it didn't end very well. I'm dumbfounded.

But, it's ok. 

How does it feel now? You're certainly not on top of the world anymore, are you?

Goodness. That definitely wasn't the plan.

Hair is just hair. But what about hair.
There's a little box where everything's kept and suppressed until there's a need to take them out and show the world.

The back aches from sleeping. Damnit.

When you don't know and you don't know and you don't know. You know?

It's sort of the perfect time to make it okay, anyone up there. Fucking shitholes.

The things that make me go.  

The drive to prove to them that I'm not what they think I am, is nowhere to be found these days.

The only motivation is to get demotivated. I could lie for hours and more if there wasn't anything to do. Anything to do to avoid being told that all I do is lie for hours and more.

Scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours. That is, if I'll let you reach mine.

It's useless and not comforting, at all.

Everybody's useless and not comforting, at all.

Everything's useless and not comforting at all. 

I'm useless and not comforted at all. 

Cooking to ease the mind but not the soul. So where's my measuring scale.

My cell was off since afternoon and I regret switching it on. Sigh. I'm never in the mood for people.

I don't like making decisions like the one above. Cup or cone?

In essence, of course I am. You just haven't seen the extent of it.

If you look at half the people you see on your way to anywhere, you probably wouldn't guessed it.

It is worrying, this habit. These Habits. Tease Hobbits.
When a pause screams. Sigh. Sigggghhhhhh.

I think people should catch me at 3 am.

Without fail, everytime.

The contrasting forces should make up their minds. I should make up my mind.
Star Wars shit.

7. You're indecisive and I'm just an excuse. Your excuse.

10. I'm close to regretting but I have some will power left, just enough to sustain me till we're done. (but you couldn't even decide on that, could you?)

When that's all they think of you, strive to perfect it because unfortunately they do not know any better.

Eager? No. Just very impatient.

Patience doesn't get you far enough from something neither does it get you close to anything. But as always, maybe it's just me.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
Simply a has-been. I guess I might as well get used to it.

Superficial so I don't deserve anything. Bye.

Questioning when you're a mess. Every one of you.

I don't really care. There's no point in saying everything you're thinking about.
That's called wasting my time. And then you wonder why I'm the way I am. Fuckheads.
I thought of thinking differently a day ago but now I'm thinking I shouldn't. Tell me what's the use if everyone else is the same. No, don't tell me.

I'm sitting for this paper in less than 8 hours. After another paper.

But isn't this fun? After this, I'll probably lament and complain about how I did and swear to never start studying a day before but I'll do just that the next time. I'm not sure if I care. I think so but I certainly don't act like it eh?

Funny thing is, I'm laughing. I think it's the caffeine.  

It's freaking cold somedays but it's the restlessness that's irksome.
I'm malicious.  

The peculiarities of today. I don't know where to begin.  

That was very touching but I don't like feeling touched.  

I think I better come up with a formidable enough excuse to excuse myself. Soon.

My impression of you is what you impress on me.
Not pretty. But if my opinion of you is of any worth, I'm not sure.

I should expect to feel relieved when it fades but you'll never know.

I'm thinking very hard. This is a lousy situation.  

It isn't easy, all this refraining.

Evading is a bad habit but I'm good at it so I guess that's something.
Something for everyone. 

Yea I'm everything stupid.
That's a sign that it isn't any better.  

I'm hungry for a solution. Let it come my way naturally, yes?

I don't do explanations. Mainly because I don't have anything to explain.

I should just cut this out, shouldn't I.  

I am most certainly the stupidest person in the world.
Slight exaggeration, but I do feel like shit.

Sitting idly for almost 2 hours because you are, somehow, unable to solve the questions you learned months ago isn't exactly my idea of a good time.

Fuck. I am sad but it's no use crying over spilt milk.
I cried just now so yeah, I can say that.

Fuckin notes. Haih.