ejaculate, and disperse

You're not as lost as you think you are. Neither are you too gullible, or naive, or simply too trusting. You make decisions concerning what's rightfully yours and nothing beyond that. You have mistakes to be corrected and words to be taken back. But you have no time. You have lost Time and in return for your gratitude, Time grants you the emotion that is called lost. You have the spirit that comes and goes; that you cannot control; that you are not aware of. You don't wish hard enough for the things you want because it's quite exhausting to be disappointed. Sometimes you don't give a damn.  You always find a reason to question, for the sake of rectifying the people and yourself. And sometimes for the sake of questioning or being the one to question. You cannot accept things you deem unnecessary and you don't find positive change appealing.

You are your hormones, you are you.

The deranged and confused sociopathic misfit.

How nice.

And the day began with dampened spirits. In the literal sense as well as otherwise.

The damned woman didn't even take a look at me.

When did you first let someone decide what you should wear? When was the first time you allowed someone to think for you? I was 12.

Do you remember what happened in the first March of your life? If I give you the chance to never have a day to/of regret, would you take it without regretting? 

Sometimes, you will not have a reason to dislike someone. Sometimes, some people are just unfortunate.

Maybe you should consider acting like a grown up if you wish to be treated like one. It's about time, no?

I'm beginning to see the other numbers.

Sickens me when someone acts stupid when they are in truth, smart. Makes me feel like punching their face. I, of course, cannot do that for it will only leave neither one of us in better condition. So I sit still and contain my anger and only go so far as shooting evil glances.

And you become critical through observations and discussions with yourself. You watch the people whom you loathe ever so slightly and the others whom you have indifferent feelings for. But the ones you love. The ones you love hurt you like hell. You don't ever recall being so strong towards the people you love because you want to avoid to cut them open. How she/he tore you apart. And the rest fail to see and follow through this. Did you intentionally destroy yourself?

u want the truth but when it comes to u, u turn the other way because it's plain ugly.

The fictitious heart where feelings reside. And occasionally hold grand meetings.

Currently quite annoyed and disappointed. I'm probably making a big deal out of this but that was a jerk-ass move.

You would think that a secondary school English teacher would know the phonetical difference between 'tonnes' and 'tones'.

I do not require any uneccessary attachments; material, emotional or physical. But we are always burdened with some things. Some of you might use the word blessed, though.

Then he said he woke up. Somebody woke him up and told him he was a disappointment.

So he talked to me again.

He mentioned that he had forgotten the flowers. This time, his tone was calmer, and somewhat more confident. The truth is unbearable.

Ever had one of those dreams where you just want to scream but nothing comes out and you think you've stopped breathing for a while? Not pleasant.

She doesn't know how fast his heart breaks. Or how it stays broken. How it finds its pieces and glues them together. How it breaks again and again. And again. You don't know.  

Was your curiosity ever satisfied?

For the first time, there's that feeling of loss. All the people I've met, and the words I've spoken, and the emotions I've felt and come to know. Most of them wandered and I let that happen. Guilt, hunger and pain take their place.

For the first time ever.

I shot some hoops today. Have always wanted to say that. And I'm going to leave tonight with sore arms and a clouded mind. 

And there was this idiot at school. He walked into me from behind (which sounds a little twisted but don't mind that), and made me drop my pre-lunch food. It was just a burger, but it was pre-lunch food. Damnit.

I've found that the better way to get through secondary school is to act like you're in secondary school. So I acted like a little kid today.

What if you can never figure out the things you're given. The blessings you're bestowed upon. Which is a cliched expression.

But surely denial cannot come in action now, not right now.

If you are lucky enough, sometimes those temporary, fleeting enthusiastic inclinations invite you. Other times, they don't. Don't be a bitch about it.

The boys were extraordinarily nice to me today. And then it drizzled for a while.

Last night was a huge mistake. One I've repeated time and time again.

The morning was a little too cold and a little too distant for me. It has always been cold and distant, but I don't like it today. I would probably change my mind in 12 hours, though.

Be careful with those expectations. I had a whole period of life class today and it taught me that from the word expectation, you could make out the phrase bitterly disappointed. Bitterly disappointed. Expectations. Utter disappointment.

It's still your fault, you know.

Fucking flies on my food.

And it's almost literal when I say that. They copulate (which is fucking, but a slightly more sophiscated term) and leave their eggs around.

You don't want to know what's going through my mind right now.

Horrible.

You know, I don't think I even like food to be delivered anymore. Cut off all the connection.

Some people have a knack for giving gifts that are, at times, inappropriate and most of the time, tasteless. The only thing you can do is keep your manners in check.

I tried looking for another word.

I followed a set of rules determined by their predecessors. Rules that were allowed to be modified, tweaked and altered to suit the likings of the valley girls. Today I am not your progeny. I do not belong to myself.

Your role is to provide relief under supervised circumstances to those who need it. And while you are unable to extend the same courtesy to yourself, you can disallow it from becoming a hindrance.

If only you knew how it works.

All that's manifested isn't necessarily what's really underneath you. We've grown complacent of time. We've made friends with it, made fun of it, and most of all, never actually cared about it.