ejaculate, and disperse

I want to believe in something again. I want to be able to look at things that scare me and know that I have something that will stand beside me. Two weeks ago, they were just "bad things trying to get better" and now I think they're really just "bad things trying to get me down".

I want to be able to talk to Ede again. Just talk. Oh right, that's his name. But I should just get back to sleep now.

What is the point of writing if I'm merely repeating thoughts or emotions? Does articulating it in a different fashion make my points worthy of a second validation?

 Am I supposed to start all over again? No one reads this shit. Fuck.